My dad used to say I didn’t know what I want, I was always jumping from one thing to another. I couldn’t stay at a job for too long, couldn’t keep a hobby, couldn’t finish an idea from start to finish. Thought something was wrong with me - why couldn’t I ever settle? Eventually, I put on this rebellious persona. No one should come near me, I’d leave sooner or later anyway. I even pictured myself dressed in all black and riding a motorcycle.
I get you !! A few people with good intensions; also like to give me advices.. even though I didn’t ask for help 😛.. In the back of my mind, I am thinking, let see if you can do what you say if you are a mom of 2 with a business to run.. lol . They must think I am a robot that doesn’t get tired. But I guess if more then 3 people pointed out the same things about you then it’s worth it to listen and reevaluated the situations .. now that I am older, I can take constructive criticism more effectively..
Wow. I feel like what you wrote is a mirrored reflection of what's been on my mind lately. Particularly this part resonates so much: "But good, useful advice should meet where the advisee is and not where the adviser is." This feels like what true empathy is.
This resonates so much Bonnie... I am still at a phase where I get triggered by certain types of people and their "advice"... I guess I do have a bit more work to do in certain areas so I don't get so bothered, but one other thing that I also notice is that usually I don't ask for advice from these certain people. However, their immediate reaction to something I say is to offer their opinion, which seems to be the best solution out there; and this is where I find myself wondering if I am doing something wrong etc. But I guess it takes some practice to notice the patterns and really try to be empathetic with ourselves, no-one will be on our side as much as our own selves to our own selves. Hope you find your self in more peaceful situations, it sometimes feels exhausting to live a social life doesn't it?
Firstly, I like to express how much I love that I can comment on this newsletter. I enjoyed the read today, and so much of what you wrote struck a cord in me. My family is much the same, supportive but think I just don't know what I want and should really settle down. So I DID, I listened to them, got married and settled. I had never been unhappier and could't understand why when this was the "dream". So 2019 I got divorced, went through a whole year of unhappiness and completely not knowing what I wanted to the beautiful year that was 2020. So I sat with my feelings and in my bubble and discovered that I should really learn to talk and communicate properly. I found human design which told me I was a manifesting generator and it was ok to be multi passionate. I started systematic therapy and did a family constellations workshop which helped me gain clarity that my parents have such a hard history and they are trying their best.
Then I realized that I shouldn't give advice anymore, I should just give an ear to friends who are going through phases and if they want me to I will offer a word or two of support. We are all on such different journey's but we are all connected and want to feel protected and understood. So Bonnie, as one of your very first instagram followers, I understand you and I think you are doing things a ok in my book. Keep it up! joanna
Thank you for these words; this is the most relatable thing I've read in a long time, especially in regards to creativity (though it's applicable anywhere--money, career, relationships, parenting). I feel like people see talent as something to be exploited or monetized, but empathy slowly disappears once the thing that brings an artist life and joy suddenly becomes objectified. I see this happen to me, but I hope I'm just as mindful not to impose the same thing to others.
"But good, useful advice should meet where the advisee is and not where the adviser is." - articulated perfectly! It seems like such a simple idea, but yet, it is tougher than one thinks to apply :) You are one of my heroes, Bonnie <3
I get you !! A few people with good intensions; also like to give me advices.. even though I didn’t ask for help 😛.. In the back of my mind, I am thinking, let see if you can do what you say if you are a mom of 2 with a business to run.. lol . They must think I am a robot that doesn’t get tired. But I guess if more then 3 people pointed out the same things about you then it’s worth it to listen and reevaluated the situations .. now that I am older, I can take constructive criticism more effectively..
Wow. I feel like what you wrote is a mirrored reflection of what's been on my mind lately. Particularly this part resonates so much: "But good, useful advice should meet where the advisee is and not where the adviser is." This feels like what true empathy is.
This resonates so much Bonnie... I am still at a phase where I get triggered by certain types of people and their "advice"... I guess I do have a bit more work to do in certain areas so I don't get so bothered, but one other thing that I also notice is that usually I don't ask for advice from these certain people. However, their immediate reaction to something I say is to offer their opinion, which seems to be the best solution out there; and this is where I find myself wondering if I am doing something wrong etc. But I guess it takes some practice to notice the patterns and really try to be empathetic with ourselves, no-one will be on our side as much as our own selves to our own selves. Hope you find your self in more peaceful situations, it sometimes feels exhausting to live a social life doesn't it?
Firstly, I like to express how much I love that I can comment on this newsletter. I enjoyed the read today, and so much of what you wrote struck a cord in me. My family is much the same, supportive but think I just don't know what I want and should really settle down. So I DID, I listened to them, got married and settled. I had never been unhappier and could't understand why when this was the "dream". So 2019 I got divorced, went through a whole year of unhappiness and completely not knowing what I wanted to the beautiful year that was 2020. So I sat with my feelings and in my bubble and discovered that I should really learn to talk and communicate properly. I found human design which told me I was a manifesting generator and it was ok to be multi passionate. I started systematic therapy and did a family constellations workshop which helped me gain clarity that my parents have such a hard history and they are trying their best.
Then I realized that I shouldn't give advice anymore, I should just give an ear to friends who are going through phases and if they want me to I will offer a word or two of support. We are all on such different journey's but we are all connected and want to feel protected and understood. So Bonnie, as one of your very first instagram followers, I understand you and I think you are doing things a ok in my book. Keep it up! joanna
Wisely written!
Thank you for these words; this is the most relatable thing I've read in a long time, especially in regards to creativity (though it's applicable anywhere--money, career, relationships, parenting). I feel like people see talent as something to be exploited or monetized, but empathy slowly disappears once the thing that brings an artist life and joy suddenly becomes objectified. I see this happen to me, but I hope I'm just as mindful not to impose the same thing to others.
"But good, useful advice should meet where the advisee is and not where the adviser is." - articulated perfectly! It seems like such a simple idea, but yet, it is tougher than one thinks to apply :) You are one of my heroes, Bonnie <3