Time flies. It’s been two months since I last posted something here, it was August 30th. I don’t quite know where to begin, there’s so much to share…
If you read my previous post, my kids were starting school. I was full of anxious excitement, thinking “finally, I’ll have time to focus on work again.” But two days later, I broke my left pinky toe. That was August 11th. Sitting on the sofa, couldn’t work, so I started reading a book called The Artist’s Way.
For a long while already, I had a feeling that there’s something I needed to do creatively, but couldn’t figure out what it was. It kept calling to me. When I spoke to two friends about it on two separate occasions, they both suggested the same book. Took that as a sign and started reading it.
The Artist’s Way, someone introduced me to it more than 15 years ago. I couldn’t get into it, it was too spiritual. This time around, I am at a different place - mentally and spiritually. The time is right to receive the book.
For two weeks, I did the homework assigned in the book. I wrote daily journal, I had art dates for myself. The journal part was difficult, there was resistence toward it, but I pushed through it. At some point I got over the hump and then got to a place where something negative lifted out of me. Apologize for sounding so vague. It’s an unexplainable feeling. My daily journal started with so much complain and whine, sometimes anger. “Why am I writing this? I don’t know what to write. Three pages?! I have nothing to say. Bills are due soon, where do I find money? Is my career over? Should I go work for McDonald’s??” Imagine, three pages of that. And then one day, I wrote a page of worries and uncertainty, but flipped to the next page and the words were completely calm and wise. It was quite amazing. The morning journal was a way to release all those inner thoughts, so you can start your day without blockage.
On September 3rd, I got to the part of the book that said to not read anything for two weeks. No news, no books, nothing. The point of the exercise was to lessen the consumption of information. I deleted Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Also stopped reading and writing on this platform. The only thing I kept was email. On the first few days, it was not easy. The amount of time my finger tapped on the location where Instagram used to be was astonishing. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’ve never done so many hours of meditation, talking on the phone (I NEVER liked talking on the phone), making art, or watching movies. I think I took naps too.
September 5th, went to my friend, Jen’s house for an art date. Bri was there too. I hadn’t seen Jen for more than two years. During that time, she started making so many different art. She was spilling all of her feelings onto any type of medium she could find. It was an inspiration. We made art for few hours and then got into a deep spiritual conversation before I left. The energy that I left with is still with me today. It was an artist’s dream come true.
Inspired by Jen, I took out a small sketchbook, pen and some paint that my kids have and tried making something. No idea what I was doing, but I enjoyed it. I was always afraid of painting because what if I make a mistake? I need so much control that any risks I take must be carefully calculated. As I am training myself to let go of control, I started writing and now painting.
To be continue next week on this journey. My takeaway of the three weeks that I shared above is people, things and experiences will show up when you are ready. I didn’t need to search, they just showed up. Even the paint supply, Henri happened to receive two art sets for her 5th birthday in late August. With Jen, we’ve only reconnected in early August. I am a big believer in trusting the timing. But timing doesn’t come unless I move forward to being ready. So everyday I wake up and do what I feel call to do - could be reading a new book, could be a video that popped up on YouTube, could be saying yes to a coffee date. It’s freeing to not pack the calendars with to-dos.
Loved reading this!
wow ♥️ missed reading your posts but I definitely respect the journey your soul and creativity are taking you!